Music related thoughts

Thanks Khai Chi for inviting us :)

Just back from Queen Symphony presented by Uni of Newcastle Wind Orchestra for their 30th birthday celebration. It brings back a lot of sweet memories, the scenes of us practicing for the concert, the rehearsals and everything we did for the performances kept flashing through my mind throughout the whole concert. Unforgettable. When was the last time I sat at the audience seat? The instruments that I played, the songs that we performed, the very few solos that I was happy with, the moment we strived together with everyone having the same target.

Listening to the oboe, always, it makes me a little regret for not mastering it and I know I didn't put in effort to learn when I had the chance. I had very little limited memories with oboe, only a few years and very occasionally.

Listening to the clarinet, I know I don't play well but this is the instrument that accompany me the most after piano. I'm considered weak in clarinet, and frankly get even low confidence when I'm playing in PSO. But there's one very memorable for me when Mr Woon said good for my solo during a rehearsal. It's just once, it's just a bar length. I don't even remember which concert rehearsal was that, I don't even remember the song's title, and perhaps it seems to be very common to everybody else, but a small little compliment weighed so much to me and I remember it until today.

Listening to the bass clarinet, the only moment I remember the most is the solo of 童梦 together with piccolo played by Liyin at the very intro of the song. The depth, the flow, the melody is carved deep in my mind.

I used to be the one sitting on the stage with my clarinet, a short tuning before the concert starts, waiting for the conductor, follow the flow of the music, counting beats deep down in my heart where I've tens bars of pause, indulging in the mood of the music with the dynamic changes, ending perfectly with everyone. Tonight I was in the audience seat, looking at the back of the conductor with him conducting the flow of the whole orchestra, and the performers were just like me in the memories, it's the just the switching of role tonight.

I used to be one of the performers dress up in black suits, holding my own clarinet,  chit-chatting with friends, waiting at the backstage. But tonight looking at the performers bringing their instruments to the backstage in suits, or holding their instruments outside the hall during the interval, how I wish I were one of them where I used to be the one like them instead of an audience tonight. The feeling is very different, a very complicated one.

I miss both JSPO, PSO and the people.

Sometimes I do really feel envious of those who choose to master in music, having to play their own instrument so well. Their profession, their enthusiasm. I enjoy playing on the stage, enjoy performing with a big group, enjoy every single moment performing to the audience. The applause, the cheers, the grand feeling, the self-satisfaction matters the most.

So why am I studying accounting and finance now?